Imagine you walk past a sick puppy, what's the first thing you feel? You would probably feel an overwhelming rush of sympathy, hell, you probably want to take the puppy home with you.
Well, maybe a sick puppy isn't the best example; only a psychopath wouldn't have any ounce of that "mushy", eye-watering drench of deep sorrow and sadness...right? I know, I know, I am being a bit exaggerative here. However, sympathy and empathy are....well, not the same, many somehow confuse the two. While there are some similarities, they are different, at least at a foundational level.
Empathy is the keen ability to fully comprehend, be aware of and experience the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of other people. This means being able to fully resonate with someone's full range of essence...in a sense. It is an amazing thing that we all possess, but it can also be a very dangerous thing. For what happens to the person who feels everything and feels too much?
The One Who Feels Everything
Some of us are like sponges. We walk through life soaking up every energy we come across.
The brewing tea of disappointment from someone who just lost their job. The yippy joy of a child who got a new toy.
The crippling anxiety of an old lady trying to cross the street.
Then we question ourselves, why do we feel sad right now? Or why all of a sudden we feel so motivated? Well, that's the thing.
Empathy in and of itself isn't the problem. It can actually be a great thing, a powerful skill, if used correctly. Through empathy, we can truly connect with each other, bond, fall in love, create amazing friendships. It's when we fully engulf ourselves in these experiences that are not our own, allowing them to direct our very presence....is where we mess up. So much to the point where we can no longer tell the difference between if what we are feeling is our own emotions or even whether our thoughts are what we truly want to think.
This intertwining of "social signals" confuses us and sometimes prevents us from truly being ourselves. Identity crisis, you might add. From this chaos comes the birth of the Empath.
Empathy as a Character - The Empath
The Empath, as I would like to describe them, is a person who makes their strong intuition and prowess to attune to others' emotions their entire identity. They, in many cases, disregard their own needs and emotions, prioritizing the well-being of others.
As I bet you can already tell, this is extremely draining, and while one may see it as a blessing, a power, a uniqueness that nobody else can understand, it may just well be a forever piercing dagger in their hearts that nobody else can see.
The Empath becomes the one who understands but is never the understood. You may actually be an Empath yourself. Always mimicking or doing for others, even total strangers, while no one does anything for you. No one can feel as deeply as the empath, and it may be something you are well aware of, so you never expected to be understood. You fully devote yourself to being the one who will bloody their hands and feet, to lighten the load of someone else.
Life becomes a constant line of pending transactions, while somehow it feels like only you are doing the exchanging. The one everyone leans on when they are stumbling, the listener, the great advisor. Badges that now decorate your shoulders, but have become so heavy you now start to walk with a limp.
You spread confidence, but absorb the cowardice of others.
You put smiles on their faces while wearing their frowns.
You give them sunshine then end up walking with their dark clouds.
It feels like a path to Self-Destruction......but what if you can change that?
Understanding Ourselves Through Others
We already talked about the importance of empathy. It is the social backbone for almost every connection. So it would be somewhat correct to say that the Empath would be able to have many deep connections with most people. It is actually quite a conundrum, because for most, they would agree that they don't feel all that connected...with anyone.
The truth is, instead of mitigating and regulating our power, we just let it do whatever it feels like. For there is much we can learn about ourselves through these connections with others.
By understanding a person's sadness, we become more lenient in our actions and careful with our words. Allowing some grace to others with their mishaps and oversteps. By knowing happiness, we learn to slowly appreciate and cherish time spent doing things we love, as well as time spent with loved ones. Through another's chaos, we somehow learn to create order and peace.
We learn much about ourselves through these connecting threads, we just need to pay attention to the lessons. Instead of becoming these negative cloud of emotions, we can learn from it and adjust according. We don't have to become what we feel, funny enough, we also have the ability to become the exact opposite because of it. This leads to my next and final point.
Finale - To Feel and To Let Go
As an aspiring Comic Artist who loves all things horror, mind-bending symbolism, terrifying theories of mythology, along with psychological dread.......why did I touch this topic? Well, because many artists and art consumers would probably be considered an Empath. We get deeply connected to fictional characters and pieces, experiencing their pain, their breakthrough, their solitude. And the story writers, the composers, the painters, all know just how to express these thoughts and emotions for us to feel, even if they have never experienced these emotions themselves in their own journey of life. Well maybe it is because they have strong story writing skills and a diabolical understanding of psychology, or maybe they are just creative maniacs that know how to manipulate their audience...
Or maybe, just maybe, they have a deep level of empathy. Empaths in their own ways.
So we can also allude to the fact that empathy isn't only about absorption...but expression as well.
The Empath may spend their lives searching for a switch, a way to just turn off their emotions altogether. That isn't the approach to better utilizing this ability. In fact, there is no true way to turn it off.
The secret? Feel and then let it go.
Easy right?
Of course not, but it is as simple as that. Feel their rage, feel the happiness, feel the sadness, be anxious for them, be depressed with them, be motivated through their triumphs, and be withered by their failures. Then let it all go.
You don't have to keep these experiences, for they are not your own. Be glad that you get to fully dive into the world of others, be marveled that you somehow can fit your feet in their shoes, but it isn't yours to keep. You are the guide, the drop of water for their thirst, but now you must move on.
Let go through exercise
Let go through singing
Let go through dancing
Let go through running
Let go through screaming
Let go through adventure
Let go though art
The sponge may be a sorbent, but it doesn't need to hold unto whatever it absorbs, all it needs is a little "squeeze".
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